學(xué)生英語(yǔ)笑話故事
一個(gè)人的聰明才智會(huì)在幽默的談吐中閃光，并且會(huì)深深吸引他人。下面，小編給大家收集整理了學(xué)生英語(yǔ)笑話故事，增加幽默細(xì)胞，聰明的你一定會(huì)成為閃光點(diǎn)。
學(xué)生英語(yǔ)笑話故事一：Three Government Contractors
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; one from NewJersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that friends, is how it all works!
經(jīng)典的.高中英語(yǔ)笑話：What is 1+2?
Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.
Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.
Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.
學(xué)生英語(yǔ)笑話故事二：heaven
Following a distinguished1 legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial2 suite3 including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations."
St. Peter replied, "We have over a hundred Popes here, and we're really very bored with them. We've never had a lawyer."
學(xué)生英語(yǔ)笑話故事三：The world's smartest dog 世界上最聰明的狗
here once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three dogs were in the final. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.
For the final each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make. The doctor said, "Stethoscope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided to give the other dogs a try.
The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" The dog built a suspension bridge.
The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?
The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tollsfrom the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.
在一場(chǎng)狗秀的活動(dòng)中，人們要選出一只世界上最聰明的狗。有三只狗進(jìn)入了決賽，它們的主人分別是：醫(yī)生，建筑師和律師。
最后的比賽是給每只狗一包骨頭，看看它們能用這些骨頭做些什么。醫(yī)生說(shuō)道：“聽(tīng)診器，上!”這只狗搭了一個(gè)人體骨骼。
裁判們想立即給這只狗頒發(fā)獎(jiǎng)品，但是他們還是決定給每只狗一次機(jī)會(huì)。
建筑師說(shuō)道：“滑尺，上!”他的狗建造了一座懸橋。
裁判們左右為難，到底該選哪一只呢?
律師說(shuō)道：“鉆(法律)空子，上!”這只狗吃掉了骨頭，對(duì)那座橋征收了百分之百的稅，并向其他兩只狗進(jìn)行勒索。
學(xué)生英語(yǔ)笑話故事四：job interview
An engineer, a physicist1, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After aconsultation2 with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
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