風(fēng)趣幽默的英語(yǔ)笑話
心不在焉的老師
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”
有一天，人們看見一個(gè)有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走，他的一只腳一直踏在街溝里，另一只腳踩在人行道上。 一個(gè)碰見他的學(xué)生說： “晚安，老師。您怎么了?” “啊，”這位老師回答說：“我想我離開家的時(shí)候還挺好的，可是現(xiàn)在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已經(jīng)一瘸一拐走了半個(gè)小時(shí)了。”
新老師
George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問。“媽媽，我不喜歡，因?yàn)樗f3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。”
One Side of the Case 一面之辭
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.
"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.
"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.
"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."
一位法官問我們這群修補(bǔ)陪審員是否有人應(yīng)當(dāng)免權(quán)。一個(gè)人舉起了手。
“我的左耳聽不見。”那人告訴法官。
“你的右邊耳朵聽得見嗎?”法官問道。那人點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。
“你將被允許加入陪審團(tuán)，”法官宣布。“我們每次只聽一面之辭。”
Now I have two skunks in there
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."
Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
“我們的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打電話的人對(duì)警察調(diào)度員尖叫道。“我們?cè)鯓硬拍馨阉鰜?”
“弄一些面包屑，”調(diào)度員說;“從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到后院。然后將地下室的門打開。”
一段時(shí)間后，那人又打電話打了回來。“你們將它弄出來了嗎?”調(diào)度員問他。
“沒有，”打電話的人答道，“現(xiàn)在那兒有兩只臭鼬了。”
唯有我是司機(jī)
A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.
"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "
"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus.
在一輛滿載乘客的公共汽車后面，一位小個(gè)子青年在奔跑著。氣車仍在高速前進(jìn)。 “停下吧，”一位乘客把頭伸出窗子，對(duì)小個(gè)子喊道，“你追不上的!”
“我必須追上，”小個(gè)子氣喘吁吁地說，“我是司機(jī)!”
Akimbo (叉腰)
Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蟬). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻擋) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意識(shí))her blame, replied at ease(從容): " I' m akimbo."
像大多數(shù)別的小孩一樣，兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛洗手，吃東西弄臟手，隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便習(xí)慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想干什么?”她馬上意識(shí)到問題所在，從容答道：“我叉腰。”
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